The Good Spirit Guide to Getting it OM
We don’t often think of our spiritual and sexual practice as something that can be combined but it absolutely should be. If contemplating why we are on this earth and what our purpose is, from a purely biological perspective the most obvious answer is for creation. Our little cells are constantly being created, our earth is always moving, growing, expanding, and sexuality is just another extension of this beautiful dance of life. The question is then how can we use that most powerful energy, the journey, the expansion, the explosions to promote vitality and increase connection.
The most apparent power struggle in the western world occurs through the sexual shaming and repression a person faces, meanwhile confronting a hyper-sexual consumerist monster that feeds us messages that we need to increase our worth: work harder, have a perfect body, and the perfect life. Then you can attract the perfect partner. Then you can feel loved. Then you will finally be happy. Forever. Derp.
For women it is common practice to shame ourselves and our sisters for expressing our sexual selves. The concept of the witch hunts runs parallel to the idea of slut shaming. Call a sister out for her perceived sluttiness in order to be seen as superior in the community. Often times a woman was burned at the stake because she was too attractive or too sexual. She elicited “magical” feelings in the god fearing men of her time and that was not something that could be tolerated. The continued repression of female sexuality has since ensued.
The reason that this is all so important is because in sacred sexuality, creativity and sexuality live in the same house; the sacral chakra. Our lack of being able to enjoy and express our sensual selves is often linked to the fear we have behind putting an idea on the table, displaying natural confidence and otherwise living a really “turned on” life. It all requires a feeling of deserving, an element of putting ourselves out there and expressing our true nature.
Questions to Ask Yourself: What messages about sexuality did you absorb when you were young? Were your parents ok with you watching the violent parts of a film but had you cover your eyes during the saucy parts? What messages do you still carry around with you today? How do you think these messages prevent you from expressing yourself authentically with your partner? How do you relate the shame you may carry about your sexual self and how you express yourself creatively?
Additional Queries for Women: Connect the dots on how patriarchy has used control and regulation of female sexuality as a means to control and regulate female economic potential. The rise of the sex positive women runs alongside the woman who is demanding respect, equal pay and opportunities. Much more is being asked for than orgasm on those t-shirts that read “Make a woman cum for once.” How do you feel that shame plays out in your life and stops you from going after what you truly desire? If you could have anything in life and in the bedroom, what would you ask for? What is stopping you from going after that experience?
In my opinion a healthy, balanced perspective on sex is easily referenced in eastern mysticism. This knowledge focuses around slowing down and getting out of the heady “get to this finish line” mindset to relish in the present moment. The whole process is slow, favouring considered movements of massage, positions and energy building.
Using tantric practices or kundalini yoga can help you become more aware of the energy states in your body.
“A blocked or unbalanced sacral chakra (the house of pleasure, emotions and creativity) can take form as anxiety, frustration, aggressiveness and feelings of shame” says Kundalini yoga teacher, and life coach Urszula Lapsztajn.
Spiritual sexpert Kim Anami also thinks most women could get rid of built up frustration, and rage through what she describes as being “a well fucked woman.” To her sex is a spiritual/emotional opportunity for transformation ”You don’t let each other hide. You call each other out with love. You hold each other down and love the fuck out of each other.... literally fuck the demons out of each other.”
More ancient sex rituals are found in Taoism which holds roots in ancient China. Beyond recommending lots of sex by way of a morning and night prayer, Taoists offer exercises for both men and women to prolong and enhance sexual experience.
For men, it is thought that life-force energy is lost upon ejaculation. Taoists recommend exercises for men to learn how to control their ejaculation to prolong lovemaking and preserve energy. The end goal is to up-cycle ejaculation into the body during orgasm. Ultimately, this practice is thought to leave your male lover feeling energized and vital rather than drained and depleted.
Women can also benefit from the 3000 year old Taoist practice of using a jade or yoni egg. A yoni egg is a smooth crystal egg which is inserted in the vagina that you do complimentary exercises with to strengthen and stimulate your pelvic floor muscles. Essentially you are doing kegels with a weight. Some experts scoff at doing any sort of kegel exercises without a yoni egg as it would be the equivalent of doing weight training without weights.
This practice increases circulation and strengthens the vaginal wall paving way for penetrative orgasms. If you're a part of the unlucky majority of women who don’t have penetrative orgasms, this is one way you can work your way up to having one.
Questions to Ask Yourself: Do I have any blockages in any of my energy centers that might prevent from experience pleasure wholly? For instance, there may be some old heartache that is blocking your Heart Chakra or maybe some issues at work which prevent you from feeling grounded (Root Chakra). How can I incorporate ritual to support an energetic sexual experience? How can I use a regular ritual to help me increase pleasure and connectedness with my partner?
If you find you cannot relate to the chakra system, glance at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In the same way look for blockages that might be in the way of your Self Actualization.
Conscious sex involves the care of all of our systems including our physical body. We don’t need to have a perfect body but we should treat ourselves with respect. Healthy eating is a way to say thank you to our soul shells for keeping us going through this arduous journey.
Our Gastown neighbour, Naturopath & Herbalist Dr. Marisa Marciano gives us some insight into how our overall health can impact our sex lives. Her main points stress practicing mindfulness activities to help gain control of cortisol. “Cortisol (our stress hormone) is made from the same biochemical pathway as our sex hormones (estrogen/progesterone/testosterone), so we literally steal from our libido when can't adequately manage the stressors in our lives.” Adaptogenic herbs can also help bring the body into balance such as cinnamon or maca. They are both easy to find and can easily be incorporated into a morning smoothie.”
Healthy hormone balance is also imperative for maintaining healthy desire. “Healthy fats & cholesterol are the synthesis starting points for these hormones - so "happy" eggs & other animal products are important for some. Avocados and nuts/seeds are for plant sources (phytosterols). Magnesium (hello chocolate!) is a muscle relaxant of course”, advises Marciano.
On that note, I leave you with a recipe for some Sexy Chocolate Bark from our friend and natural food wonder woman Kate Horsman:
“I created this recipe as an aphrodisiac. This will help get you in the mood be it February 14th or any other day.” says Kate.
“Why is this an aphrodisiac? The multiple “secret” ingredients ALL focus in on sexual health. Cacao, boosts feel good hormones, stimulates energy. Coconut Oil is great for ensure those fats that are so important to hormone and sexual health. Pomegranate Seeds are often seen as the forbidden fruit and Pumpkin seeds, are at the top of the food chain when it comes to aphrodisiacs. Why you ask? The hefty amounts of zinc they contain. Thats why oysters are such aphrodisiacs as well there high zinc levels. Zinc helps to assist and boost healthy sexual function. An added spice…well that would be the heat, chili powder. This is a vasodilator, which means…more blood flow. Need I say more?”
3/4 cup Coconut Oil
1 cup Cacao Powder
3 Tbls Maple Syrup
3 + tsp pf Chili Powder
1/4 cup Pumpkin seeds
1/4 cup fresh Pomegranate seeds
extra coconut oil to drizzle over top
In a bowl, stir lovingly, your coconut oil and you cacao powder. Add in your Maple Syrup and a crack or two of Himalayan salt. Let it get silky and smooth. Add in your chili powder and taste to test. Preferably with your fingers...
I used a 9 by 9 inch pan lined with parchment. You can use whatever size works for the depth you'd like to achieve.
Pour your chocolate into the pan and generously sprinkle in your pumpkin seeds ands your pomegranates.
Place pan in the fridge or freezer to cool until hard.
You can do an extra drizzle of coconut oil itself once cooled for a white chocolate effect on top, or leave as is.
Let set firmly.
Remove from the ban and break into your shards, serve and savour.
Kundalini Yoga/Yoga Recommendations
Holistic Sexperts to Follow
Yoni Eggs can be Purchased Through
*there are a ton of resources for beginner Yoni egg exercises online. Do quick youtube search and you will see.
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