I Don’t Want to Be An Empath Anymore
by Ora North
You must be exhausted. Aren’t you? You’ve always been sensitive. Maybe a little too sensitive. ⠀⠀
You knew from a very early age that you felt a lot more than most people. Every life experience felt like an epic adventure, full of victorious highs and dangerous lows. How could they not see what you saw? How could they not understand the swinging pendulum of emotion that rose and fell within you each moment? There was a purity in the way you experienced the world, an amplified openness and curiosity its that made you hyper aware of the joy and complexity of heartbreak of life. What gave other happiness, gave you pure ecstasy. What gave them disappointment, gave you heart shattering pain. You have felt yourself moved from tears of pure joy to tears of desperate sadness all in the course of an afternoon.
Your sensitivity made it so you could feel and connect within your relationships just as intensely. Somehow a part of you just knew what other people were feeling, even when they didn’t (or wouldn’t) tell you.
Your ability to tune in to what your loved ones need, even without them telling you, has made you a beautifully nurturing human being. You can truly see the people you love, and you want more than anything to be there for them and to love them in the ways they need to be loved. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The more you involve yourself with them. The more you wear the second skin of everyone else’s emotions, the more you get the energies - your own energy and the energy of others- confused. After awhile it becomes difficult to tell which emotions belong to you and which emotions belong to them. The more those lines are blurred, the more you lose your confidence and the sense of your mission here on earth. The emotional entanglements of ancestry weave through you, making it feel that it’s impossible to untangle yourself and be free.
Your suffering feels both slow and building, immediate and explosive. You only see your loved ones emotions.
Everyone comes to you for advice and help, but where is your advice? Where is your help? Even though your sensitivity lends you to your emotional intelligence, working it can be a challenge. You make excuses for other’s bad behaviour because you can feel the pain they operate from. Perhaps you think, Well, I’ll let this one slide, until you realize that years have passed and one time has multiplied into countless times. You’ve watched everyone move forward, propelled by your compassion and empathy for them, and yet you’re still standing.
This is the life of an overwhelmed empath. It’s one of frustration, of loneliness, and sensitivity gone sideways. It makes you wish you weren’t an empath anymore.